The extended community, will be the same for both pods on the multi-pod set up, plus I believe this a global configuration for all the pod in the multi-pod set up,
Multi-pod White Paper
https://www.cisco.com/c/en/us/solutions/collateral/data-center-virtualization/application-centric-infrastructure/white-paper-c11-739714.html#_Toc495712870
Regarding the DHCP relay configuration, yes it needs to point the the APIC controllers, but to the internal fabric IP derived from the TEP pool you assigned when bringing this fabric from the first time. Usually the APIC controllers get the first 3 IP from the TEP pool. For example if your TEP pool was 10.0.0.0/16 APIC would get assign IPs
APIC1: 10.0.0.1
APIC2: 10.0.0.2
APIC3: 10.0.0.3
If you want to find the addresses assigned to your APIC you can ssh to one of them and type the “show controller” command this information would be under the address column.
please let me know if this helps